A RHYTHMIC
DANCE
(A
Terzanelle)
 |
| courtesy : google image |
If there’s
a deep depression at the Bay
The bone dry arid land hopes against hope
A storm’s to brew to reach the sky they say
It’s better to rise than sit, brood and mope
What do these dark flying clouds indicate?
The bone
dry arid land hopes against hope
Deflated
brain waits to be in full spate
The blistering heat’s fighting tooth and nail
The bone
dry arid land hopes against hope
The sea’s roaring, the stormy clouds do flail
Droplets
poised and the lull’s almost broken
The
blistering heat’s fighting tooth and nail
Euterpe’s flute untie the notes to rain
Parched
heart’s quick to drench in words to quench thirst
Droplets
poised and the lull’s almost broken
A rhythmic dance is to be seen at first
If there’s
a deep depression at the bay
Parched heart’s quick to soak in words to
quench thirst
A storm’s to brew to reach the sky they say
I like the stanza where it expresses that it is better to rise rather than to mope. That way of living rings true with me. A fine poem all around, Sumana.
ReplyDeleteIt’s better to rise than sit, brood and mope ... there's so much valuable metaphor in the rhythm of the ocean...
ReplyDeleteI too like the second stanza best. As for the closing line it offers a lot to ponder.
ReplyDeleteThe first stanza set the scene and drew me in! Lovely!
ReplyDeleteWow you did that terzanelle brilliantly. I found it much too complicated to try. Love the lines "It’s better to rise than sit, brood and mope". Very well done Sumana, I could see those dark clouds gathering.
ReplyDeleteI like how you painted the storm\s rhythmic dance here:
ReplyDeleteThe sea’s roaring, the stormy clouds do flail
Droplets poised and the lull’s almost broken
The blistering heat’s fighting tooth and nail
Wishing you happy weekend ~
so true in not sitting brooding and moping...that will def not make the storm go away...because storms will come into all lives...how we handle them will be vastly different...
ReplyDeleteOf course you did it well.. I love how you weave it together - to act is better than to wait
ReplyDeleteYour subject is portrayed very well in this form, and each stanza progressed naturally from the one before.
ReplyDeleteIf you are a stickler for getting these forms right, I will just mention that line 9 should be a repeat of line 5. I feel that form should follow the writer's intention, so I wouldn't necessarily change it.
Thank you for participating in the challenge.
Thank you Kerry for mentioning it....you are absolutely right..thanks for stopping by and your kind comment...
Deletebeautiful setting... so much feeling between your lines
ReplyDeleteThis was/is beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteZQ
You made it all hang together,and the repeats made sense wherever they 3ended up. Well done.
ReplyDeletehope conquers everything!!
ReplyDeleteWOW! I feel this in the muggy weather, in the suspense before storms, and when a leading from God fights this life for discernment--what a relief when the storm breaks, when the story unfolds, when we know how to pick up the witness. It is a dance, isn't it? And the rhythm is often a heart beat. You are totally in tune, Sumana Roy!
ReplyDeleteYou did a fantastic job with this form. I keep trying but simply cant get the hang of it. You executed it so well.
ReplyDeleteLove the key-line: ' A storm’s to brew to reach the sky they say'
ReplyDeleteGood use of this form. A sense of hope in spite of the gloom!
ReplyDeleteWow, so vivid and fluid-yours is fantastic!
ReplyDeleteI love poems filled with storm imagery - they are so cathartic. With your pen, you have painted some wonderful pictures here. Sumana.
ReplyDeleteI love the sound play and poignancy of "parched heart" beautiful poem altogether. :)
ReplyDeleteTotally in love with the choice of your words :)
ReplyDeleteI can feel the building of the storm so well in this! Beautifully done!
ReplyDeleteI especially like those first two stanzas. Nice work Sumana!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written..as always..liked it.. :-)
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written Sumana, I really liked the first two stanza. :)
ReplyDelete