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Her lethal workforce
That always hit the bullion’s eyelid
Are missing their tart
Each single strategy of her triathlon
Is hissing towards her needle woman
To pour venue
Medusa is trapped
In her own quietism of sticky life
Fragrant tuba blooms
As you sow so you reap
Addictions are not so cheap
Posted for MTB where the prompt is to write Oulipo poems
The original poem:
as you sow you reap... yeah... that is true...
ReplyDeleteloved.. In her own quietism of sticky life
Fragrant tuba blooms...
The last line puts the whole poem into perspective - indeed addiction never comes cheap.
ReplyDeletefragrant tuba blooms--ha! No addictions do not come cheap. As you sow, indeed. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteVery powerful poem.
ReplyDeleteWell. I say, a poem must be rather out of perspective if you can substitute every noun in it this way. Then words do not count. They are only signals, meant to create unrest.
ReplyDeleteYour original poem is nice, though. Telling lies is always to fall in a trap.
Have a nice day! :-)
addictions are not so cheap works as a closure and still bears the weight of truth...the quietism of sticky life...another cool turn of phrase that may never have come otherwise...
ReplyDeletei like both the versions and the moral of the poems too!!
ReplyDeleteWhat interesting changes from poem 1 to poem 2. I do hope that Medusa in poem 2 regrets her lies; and being trapped in quietism sounds painful indeed!
ReplyDeleteInteresting transformation. Missing 'their tart' is certainly different from 'missing targets'. It does not fell quite so bad.
ReplyDeleteYou started out with a great original and this turned it into something fun. Life can be sticky--so true.
ReplyDeleteNice take on the prompt; I, too, zeroed in on the cool lines /Medussa is trapped/in her own quietism of sticky life/ Oddly the images, lines, metaphors that leap our of N+7 are often humorous, but also astonishing; really dug the exercise.
ReplyDeleteGroovy experiment- enjoyed both poems. Loved- "In her own quietism of sticky life"
ReplyDeleteVery meaningful last lines :-)
ReplyDeleteThere are a couple of really nice combinations...overall, considering the construction, it flowed nicely.
ReplyDeleteI just love that the truth can be a tuba... ~ nice
ReplyDeleteHahah - Addicted to tuba blooms. I can see that in some hallucinogenic kind of way! Well done.
ReplyDeleteSo true...addictions don't come cheap and they definitely take their toll.
ReplyDeleteThis worked very well. K.
ReplyDelete