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Sunday, 29 March 2015
My Days of Clouds
Glided the days of fleecy clouds
Innocent, light, gilded with dreams
Sailing in the breeze, in the blue
Hard rocky ground was far away
Time gave mantras to fly away
Winds brewing in the vast deep blue
White days saddened into black clouds
Raging weather melted the dreams
No one to hold the falling dreams
That was ripped off from the high clouds
Into caverns was flung away
Gasping for breath the notes of Blues
Stormy days were painted in blue
Someone carried the sun away
No thread of light to weave the dreams
Shreds of blank thoughts slowly to cloud
Limping away my days of clouds
Of black and blue and shattered dreams
Posted for Bjorn’s Sunday MiniChallenge – not a Sestina but close @ Real Toads
&
Shared with Poetry Pantry @ PoetsUnited
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interesting imagery.. stormy days were painted in blue.. that's so true.
ReplyDeleteI quite liked the form and the images you painted here; especially "limping away my days of clouds of black and blue and shattered dreams".
ReplyDeleteExquisite work here...love the depiction of images you have created in your poem...makes me feel like im flying through the clouds!
ReplyDeletexoxo
Such sadness specially these lines:
ReplyDeleteStormy days were painted in blue
Someone carried the sun away
Hope that thread of light comes back to pierce away the dark clouds~ Well done with the form Sumana ~
Raging weather can really shatter one's dreams....especially when someone carries the sun away and one can only gasp for breath. Hopefully the days will lighten again, but...never in the same way as they were before, I know.
ReplyDeleteSome days are just like that storm so let them pass
ReplyDeleteMelted dreams....how terrible this feels when it happens...what a reflective poem
ReplyDeleteThis is very much like a storm of the mind-- clouding over and sadness. Thanks. K.
ReplyDeleteI can feel the storm working here into a very skillful elegy of sadness.. the envoi that summarizes the aftermath is heartbreaking.. Thank you for grazing the form with such great poetry.
ReplyDeleteThis reads so sad which is usually perfect to an effective execution of either quartina or sestina, IMHO. Well done!
ReplyDelete- ksm
Sumana, I was so drawn into this poem, those halcyon days, gilded in memory, then someone taking the sun away, leaving the narrator in a time of sorrow and stormy skies. May she hang on, in trust that, one day, if a return to halcyon times cannot be, a measure of peace will be hers again. Blessings to you, my friend. This is a beautiful poem and I love the form, though I cant identify it. I assume it is a response to Bjorn's form. I love the result, though I cant figure out how people are doing it!!!!!
ReplyDeletelovely cloud imagery Sumana; have a nice Sunday
ReplyDeletemuch love...
''No thread of light to weave the dreams''
ReplyDeleteSuch sadness and feelings of lost hope, Sumana. Perhaps there is light behind the clouds, to begin new dreams of brightness.
Poppy
"Stormy days were painted in blue
ReplyDeleteSomeone carried the sun away"
sounds of sadness, nice one!
Wonderful images of storms that could mean storms of the mind or relationships or just storms....I particularly loved...
ReplyDelete'White days saddened into black clouds
Raging weather melted the dreams'
Donna@LivingFromHappiness
we can still have the invisible to hold onto even the clouds have given up our dreams.
ReplyDeleteClouds do enter and leave our lives in many ways, don't they. An exquisite extended metaphor, Sumana.
ReplyDeleteYour images play in my mind and heart like a film with few words--just sound track with the changing clouds from dream to dreamless ... so sad.
ReplyDeleteSo nicely written, Sumana as if this all could be true, a bad dream. My kind of nightmare, awake or sleeping, but impossible in real life for sure.. I liked the taking away of the sun, the wildest and post preposterous.
ReplyDeleteThe envoy was perfect as well, the hectameter made it easy to divide in two. Mine was really lopsided, I began my last line with one of the rhyming words.
..
The melancholy in this is so strong. We all have those days where clouds are more than fluff in the sky. Beautiful capture of the poetic form.
ReplyDeleteBeauty wrapped in sadness. Wonderful write.
ReplyDeleteWould you like a cup of tea? A sad poem.
ReplyDeleteWhite days saddened into black clouds
ReplyDeleteRaging weather melted the dreams
There are bad days that run against us. It can have devastating effects. It can create problems if one is not careful and leave us limping!
Hank
Sumana,
ReplyDeleteI hate the idea of dreams all falling away, though on a grey cloud ridden day, as I have here; it is possible to imagine that happening. Seeking more pleasant blue sky and sunny days weathers, soon!!
A new and different form of composing your words!!
Eileen
Oh, a little sad here, Sumana. Especially if 'Someone carried the sun away'. That's a really great line though :) I love the imagery you've created as well. Great job, Sumana :)
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful Sumana. We can all relate to the sadness of dreams extinguished by clouds. It's so amazing to me, that you can write something so lovely while adhering to the rules of a form. I must, must be brave enough to try that...someday.
ReplyDeleteseen through a tear before the smile... :-)
ReplyDeleteZQ
Oh Sumana its a song and Blues at that.
ReplyDeleteI smiled because I was about to write a stormy poem. You really do have a way of making things come alive!!!
A very beautiful poem.
ReplyDeletethe visuals in this poetry are outstanding! you really pull the reader into the atmosphere with your words. excellent.
ReplyDelete