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The moon’s spinneret secret silver threads
The field mouse dreads
The screech that’s shredding the silent silver
night
The feathered feet in flight
Would swoop down with talon eager and gay
To clutch and tear its prey
Making a grand meal of the fateful day
The cold wind howls while the silver corns shiver
Deadly wings ride the wind, circle and hover
The field mouse dreads the feathered feet in
flight to clutch and tear its prey
Posted for dVerse MTB: Unraveling the Ovillejo
&
Shared with Poetry Pantry @ Poets United
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What a shivering and deadly night this is for the field mouse ~ You did well on the form Sumana ~
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining us ~
Poor field mouse, but I guess even owls have to eat. Very nice use of the form. Peace, Linda
ReplyDeleteExcellent description, l have owls living in the woods around my home and l listen through the night as they call out. Your poem makes me think of them.
ReplyDeleteOh.. the poor little fieldmouse... but I also see the hawks hungry chicks...
ReplyDeleteWOW! I've never seen such a nice long 10th line work before. Strong imagery here. Kudos! Great work!
ReplyDelete(Tried to comment earlier. Hope this one goes through.)
Oh, this is so vivid, Sumana! You really mastered the Ovillejo form with this evocative write! (Poor mouse!)
ReplyDeleteYou paint the dread tangibly...i especially like the phrase, "silver corn shivers"!
ReplyDeleteOh, I really love this Sumana. It's so beautiful and you did splendidly with the form, as much as my untrained eye can tell. :) All mice fear the dreaded feathered feet! Excellent!
ReplyDeleteThis is gorgeous. Your execution of the form was perfect, and the text was stunning!
ReplyDeleteThe sharp talons can just tear them apart. Beautiful Ovillejo Sumana!
ReplyDeleteHank
Wow! This is visually and emotionally so vivid, one feels like the mouse - those powerful wings and talons descending. So well done, Sumana! An intriguing form, well executed.
ReplyDeleteWhew. The form intensifies the terror of the field mouse, but I cannot help admiring the screech, swoop and skill of the eagle as well.
ReplyDeleteTalons fly for hunted
ReplyDeleteprey.. without
a pray to
escape..
sOils of
comfort..
soils of
blood..
some souls
sleepy comfy..
others alWays
just beLow
talons
grip...
Deathly verse!!
ReplyDeletevery well written as always !
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing scene!
ReplyDeletethis is so powerful poem
ReplyDeletegood work Sumana!
Wow! Such an incredible work on the Ovillejo form :D
ReplyDeleteBeautifully done :D
Lots of love,
Sanaa
Being a top predator mankind rarely thinks of the creatures it considers inferior where everyday it is a matter of survival. Beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteI suppose we are all field mice in a way..fearing those talons which may come from the sky and tear at us unexpected..a wonderful poem that really connected and immersed itself in the image..i particularly liked those shivering silver corn
ReplyDeletei love field mice. they are very cute. i guess the hunters will hunt and the prey their food. life
ReplyDeletegracias, well written
oh wow! this is so vivid!
ReplyDeleteWonderful gentle form in a powerful poem - beautifully penned !
ReplyDeleteFabulous, vivid imagery worked with carefully chosen words like, 'The screech that’s shredding the silent silver night'.
ReplyDeleteI adore power of this fabulous poem!
Donna@LivingFromHappiness
Wonderful form. I traveled to a dark night - both long ago and current.
ReplyDeletelove the alliteration and the weave...
ReplyDeleteYou have captured the hunt splendidly....and I am in awe of the ease with which you accomplished this form as it has me completely stumped!
ReplyDeleteThe silent silver night... a great line.
ReplyDeleteVery nicely done. We've a hawk that hangs around the bird feeder because of the field mice, chipmunks and birds.. you know, fast food.
ReplyDeleteLuv the rhyme and repetition; a night dread for one and conquest for the other a yin yang scene
ReplyDeletehappy Sunday
much love...
this predator and prey poem made me think of people in those roles. It all made me giggle inspite of myself. enjoyed it Sumana!
ReplyDeleteSuch a successful poem that you forget it's written to form. Really works.
ReplyDeleteYou did well with this form, as far as I can tell. I did not get up to trying it. But I do like the poem itself and how it conveys the scene of prey and predator.
ReplyDeleteA vivid piece of writing!
ReplyDeleteGreat job with imagery..I could see it all play out in my head. The cycle of nature twas an unlucky day for the mouse.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully accomplished.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
This is such an interesting form. The rhyme back-an-forthing in a variety of meters is mesmerizing. Great job on this piece!
ReplyDeleteI like the description of picture, awareness of nature' cycle. Classical feel to the form!
ReplyDeleteThis was a good fun poem to read. Poor mouse though !
ReplyDeleteThis one made me shiver from beginning to end!
ReplyDeleteSo vivid ...it's scary...nice!
ReplyDelete