Thursday, 31 July 2014

CHARLIE BIT MY FINGER AGAIN



Eyes glued to “Charlie bit my finger again”

Eyes glued to “Charlie bit my finger again”

The moral is one’s joy is another’s pain

The moral is one’s joy is another’s pain

Charlie glued moral to my finger

Eyes again bit one’s joy, another’s pain

 

The little elder brother is nameless

The little elder brother is nameless

He is to endure the bite smilingly

He is to endure the bite smilingly

To endure the little brother is the bite

Nameless is the elder smilingly

 

One giggles and the other shouts “It hurts”

One giggles and the other shouts “It hurts”

Unseen is the photographer parent

Unseen is the photographer parent

The parent giggles unseen and it hurts

The other one, photographer shouts

 

My moral finger glued joy to pain

Charlie the little one giggles again

The parent is smilingly unseen

To the photographer pain is joy

Eyes endure nameless bite

It hurts it hurts it hurts……..

 

Posted this Paradelle @ d’Verse MTB

 

25 comments:

  1. hahahaha i am totally reading this to my boys...they love that video...and have it on their phones...and replay it all the time...the brother bitten is so cute...his voice...lol

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  2. Ha..yes that little video is really viral.. Love the end.. I'm sure Charlie's teeth are the sharpest things.

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  3. Now this was a novel approach to the prompt; if Brian & Billy Collins can have so much fun with a faux French form, why not take it to the next level of levity? Still smiling, I like the line /my moral finger glued joy to pain/.

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  4. Of course, it hurts, it hurts ~ Very fun approach, I like it Sumana ~

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  5. Brilliant! You obviously had a lot of fun with this, and you made the "mixed up" lines have meaning of their own!

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  6. I like the light feeling of your paradelle, Sumana. Great last stanza! You have made me want to look at that video.

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  7. Ha, well the older child doesn't seem to be in all that much pain. Smiles. He seems to have enjoyed the experience in a way. And yes, you wonder about the parent as you write your poem. I do too. What kind of parent would take a video of one child biting another. You worked the paradelle form well, Sumana. Bravo.

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  8. This is brilliant. I totally loved it! Elder kids endure a lot!

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  9. loved how you put this in a real life situation

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  10. You've pulled the paradelle form off beautifully, with humor - and with a bit of a tongue-in-cheek parody of strict poetic forms, that Poet Laureate Billy Collins intended for the paradelle. Very well executied.

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  11. Excellent approach to this prompt. A difficult form I think but you made it work.

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  12. And then when you watch the video and see the older practically beg to have his finger bitten, the meaning changes again. I'm glad your moral finger glued joy to pain. Both these kids are going to have strange adult behaviors.

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  13. If they were unaware they were being taped it might make a difference in the outcome, but it works for your purpose in the form we write in today...this was clever and fun..and not malicious biting..kids will be kids.

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  14. That was really, really good...!

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  15. heh-heh - what a great response to Brian's prompt! :)

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  16. So clever - the video so well known and your pain and joy take is perfect - K

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  17. Wow. You did such a good job with this. I love it. The last line is superb.

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  18. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  19. I was the author of the comment that was deleted because I forgot to put my correct online identity. I like your piece - it is one of those that elevated the form above the parody that it was originally intended to be. This is a beautiful piece of writing and meditation on the brotherly vignette that I also enjoyed watching a few years ago.

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  20. A classic offering Sumana! That video brought out the full impact of a jovial nature in a painful experience. Very well done Ma'am!

    Hank

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  21. I've seem that video...but then again who hasn't....I really liked the line "To endure the little brother is the bite." you weaved this paradelle quite well.

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  22. LOL...so many different ways of interpreting this depending on the individual. Never put your finger in someone's mouth if you have already been bitten once. If you do it voluntarily the second time and start whining it means you are an idiot. This video should be labelled
    Idiots Training Camp.

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  23. Very well done, and I like the choice of topic.

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  24. Enjoyed this a lot...you have beautifully crafted this one Sumana...

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  25. This is lovely Sumana, you have worked the 5th and 6th lines so very cleverly.

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